


Friends

by consideritalljoy



Series: Attachment [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Thrawn - Timothy Zahn
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Gen, Sappy, hug, no i'm not an emotional wreck why do you ask
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 13:18:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11692443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/consideritalljoy/pseuds/consideritalljoy
Summary: Eli leaves the Chimera and Thrawn accepts both his attachment and his loss.





	Friends

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of a follow-up to [**Brothers**](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11650158), but can also stand alone.
> 
> "On Your Shore" by Charlotte Martin really influenced this.

_His eyes are wide, and no one emotion dominates, creating a chaotic sea. His chest moves only slightly as he takes shallow but measured breaths. His mouth is a hard line, but his lips, while stiff, are not pressed together. Emotions present include shock, anxiety, sorrow, anger, and excitement. The emotion that overtakes all else is hardly a true emotion at all, but a decision; it is determination._

“If you think I can do it, then sir, I trust you, and I will,” Eli said. He maintained eye contact with Thrawn throughout the entire conversation—a far cry from the timid cadet Thrawn had first encountered. 

Thrawn would have felt proud if he thought Eli’s growth was his accomplishment. Instead, he felt a different kind of pride: the pride of having aided in the development of a breathing, breathtaking work of art, and of that art calling him friend. 

With the necessary words said and the spacecraft waiting, Thrawn finally allowed himself a smile. As his mouth transitioned, his eyebrows did also, without his leave. They knitted slightly and Thrawn did not make himself clear the conflict from his expression. Could Eli read his emotion from his body as well as Thrawn could Eli’s? 

The adjustment in Eli’s eyes in response to Thrawn’s shift told Thrawn that yes, he could. 

Thrawn’s chest felt heavy and his throat constricted slightly. It would be easier to simply numb the emotion, but Thrawn didn’t. There would be time enough for that after Eli left. Right then, in that moment, Thrawn would allow himself to feel. “Thank you… Eli,” he said. 

“Of course, Thrawn,” Eli answered, pronouncing the name deliberately as he dropped the last formality between them. “I wish you could come with me.” 

“To own the truth, I do as well. I do not look forward to the separation.” _My throat constricts further. The words become halting, though I did not intend for them to be. My breathing mirrors Eli’s: steady, but shallow._

 _Eli’s eyes close for a moment as he tilts his head down and exhales through his nose with a wide smile. His posture suddenly shifts._ For a moment, Thrawn didn’t think at all, as in a burst of motion, Eli’s arms suddenly wrapped around him. “I know,” he said, mouth just barely against Thrawn’s ear. 

They did not hug often. The first time had been a poor attempt at comfort on Thrawn’s part, though Eli had accepted it. As he wrapped his arms around Eli in like fashion, Thrawn realized how much tension he had been holding in his body when it all suddenly spilled out. 

The military composure drained from him and he relaxed in Eli’s arms. Rank, protocol, and mission forgotten, Thrawn absorbed every individual tingle of the nerve endings signaling Eli’s grasp on him, and clung to his friend for dear life in turn. _Safe._

When he had been exiled all those years ago, he had thought it best not to form relationships with anyone else. Indeed, he had fully intended never to form a personal attachment again. That decision had been wrong, and it was only after his attachment to Eli was irreversible that he had realized it. 

For Eli’s safety as well as the safety of his people, Thrawn had to send his friend away. Eli had been valuable all along, but if Thrawn hadn’t gotten attached, the separation wouldn’t have hurt him as it did now. This was still the preferred fate. Even the pain of leaving Eli felt somehow pure simply for having been connected to him. There was nothing in the galaxy for which Thrawn would have traded his attachment. 

In the background, the sounds of a landing shuttle told Thrawn that their time ran short. From the sudden flinch in Eli’s back, he knew Eli knew it too. 

_Both Eli’s skin and my own grow clammy with the shared body heat. He tremors somewhat._ He had relaxed so completely that for a moment he doubted he would be able to regain his composure at all. Of course, the key was to try in the first place. 

It took all of his resolve to stiffen enough to direct his movements intentionally, and even more to release his grip. Eli took the hint, of course, and followed suit immediately. 

Panic flooded him. The need to be back in Eli’s arms overwhelmed him. He resisted. 

Rolling his shoulders back, Thrawn resumed his normal posture and the emotion vanished from his face. If he allowed the emotion any room, it would overtake him, and so he numbed it. He still couldn’t stop his body from microscopically quivering. 

As he reached to the table behind them to pick up the data pad there, the muscles in his hand flexed unexpectedly and he fumbled for a moment before retrieving the data pad. The energy left in him disliked being contained. Thrawn continued to resist its pull toward Eli. 

“For you, Commander,” he said, handing Eli the data pad. 

“Sir?” Eli asked as he took it. _His body reacts similarly to mine._

“Read it on the way,” Thrawn answered. “For now, your shuttle awaits.” 

Eli nodded and together they walked to the shuttle. Thrawn focused on the click of his boots against the durasteel floor with an intensity meant only to keep him from thinking of Eli. Eli’s boot clicks fell in sync with his own. It was a small thing, but Thrawn felt the pull in his chest strengthen because of it all the same. 

They made their official goodbye at the shuttle. Thrawn didn’t pay much attention. It was all he could do to force his composure to remain even. He did notice every step Eli took away from him. He noticed when Eli’s boots left the Chimera’s durasteel and stepped onto the shuttle. He definitely noticed when the opening closed. 

Eli was still looking at him as the shuttle door closed. They held eye contact until the door hissed shut and sealed them apart. Only a few seconds later, the shuttle took off. Thrawn noticed as it got smaller, until it became a tiny white speck in the distance and blended in among the stars. 

He noticed when the shuttle made the jump to hyperspace, and Eli was truly gone. 

With one slow blink, Thrawn was in control again. He had been in similar positions before. The loss of another attachment would not substantially harm him. If anything, Eli’s loss should be easier than the others had been. Eli was alive. 

The time might come later to let himself feel again, but that time was not while the Chimera’s entire crew was waiting to see how Thrawn would react to not having his aide. The ache in his chest subsided and every feeling in his body went a little more faint. The preservational numbness of loss was hardly a new sensation. 

Expressionless, Thrawn turned around, and walked to the Chimera’s bridge alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Correct me if I'm wrong, but this may actually be the most sappy thing I've ever written in my life.


End file.
